Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 6 Tevet, 5784
Parsha Va-Yiggash (Genesis 44:18 – 47:27)
Second Portion: Genesis 44:31 – 45:7

Good morning!  Today we reach the culmination of the story of Joseph and his brothers.  We left off mid sentence yesterday, with the idea that souls are connected. Today, Judah finishes his thoughts to Joseph after explaining why they could not return without Benjamin with him.

31it will come to pass, when he sees that the boy is gone, he will die, and your servants will have brought down the hoary head of your servant, our father, in grief to the grave.

32For your servant assumed responsibility for the boy from my father, saying, ‘If I do not bring him to you, I will have sinned against my father forever.’

33So now, please let your servant stay instead of the boy as a slave to my lord, and may the boy go up with his brothers.

34For how will I go up to my father if the boy is not with me? Let me not see the misery that will befall my father!”

Something I reflect on here.  Benjamin. How must Benjamin have felt in this moment? Judah, the oldest brother standing up for him with the person who represents Pharaoh.  Was Benjamin aware of what happened to Joseph? He must have known, right?  And here was Judah the leader sticking up for him.  In his most desperate time.

How much do we long for someone to do this for US? To speak up on our behalf. To keep us from being imprisoned? Benjamin must have been feeling a certain way.

And I reflect on how I remain silent in the face of injustice – or – understand the gravity and impact of a situation and don’t speak up.

Something I have been learning this weekend. It is the idea of valor.  It’s not a word we discuss a lot.  But Judah is teaching us about valor here.  I’ve heard this word – but never really dug into it.

What is Valor?

The dictionary defines it as “great courage in the face of danger, especially in battle.”

And I reflect on this.

How can we gain valor? We must face danger and/or battle, right?  And we aren’t just talking war. I see our lives through different lenses: physical, spiritual, emotional, intellectual (I am sure there are more).

We can have physical valor but not emotional, spiritual, or intellectual valor – right?

Or we can have emotional valor (having navigated emotional trauma and having courage) – and not the others, right?

How do we gain emotional valor? By navigating emotional traumas.  How do we gain spiritual valor? By navigating spiritual traumas.

Judah had valor here. He had great courage to stand up to Joseph (not knowing it was Joseph).

So let’s add to our learning here.  When we are stuck or enslaved, accepting that valor is what is likely being developed can lead us back to freedom and liberation. And the spiritual vitamin from the past two years becomes relevant, right?

“Sometimes, a temporary setback is just what you need in order to advance with greater vigor. When an athlete has to negotiate a hurdle. His stepping back is the means to a higher leap.”

Sometimes setbacks are designed to increase our valor. Emotionally, physically (financially), spiritually.

So to recap our past learning on when we are stuck/enslaved:

1. When feeling stuck or enslaved we must remember we have freedom and choice
   1. We can choose to dwell in the past and let those (we believe) who brought us to this place of being stuck live rent free within our heads (or consciousness). Or.
   2. We can accept the moment we are in; receive the next 30-60 seconds and decide what our purpose is. Are we safe? Are we secure? What is our mission? What are our values?
2. We must remain grounded in the moment. In our current reality. We can fight the current reality all we like – but all that will do is remind us we are slaves. We can make different choices to focus on our freedom.
3. When we are stuck or feeling enslaved – set boundaries for ourselves and COMMUNICATE THEM. Not to protect us from external sources. But to protect us from within.
4. When we are feeling stuck or enslaved? We can find ways to empower ourselves. Setting boundaries, yes. But also educating ourselves. Learning. Growth. Development.
5. When we hurt someone – from a place of stuckness and enslavement – we need to honor the person who hurt – and allow ourselves to fully feel the guilt and shame and embarrassment – instead of wanting to run from it. Feeling those feelings will help us grow and develop in the perfection we are in every moment.
6. When we feel stuck; enslaved – look within for grief. What are we holding onto that we are struggling to let go of? Can we be open and honest with our grief – with ourselves? With others? Or are we AFRAID of our grief and it coming out and how others will react to it? Be true to ourselves. Be Israel. Be raw. This is the path back to freedom.
7. When we encounter OTHERS in their grief – who feel stuck; enslaved – but we have the privilege of their raw and honest grief? We can VALIDATE that grief, reject that grief, or try to fix it.

Let’s add this:

When we feel stuck and enslaved, AND we face setbacks, receive the opportunity to have courage in the midst of an emotional, financial, physical, spiritual battle. And trust that freedom comes in choosing to be in a place of learning valor – or fighting that we did not get what we wanted.  “Not getting what we want” is a way to remain stuck – “trusting I am being developed for my freedom and liberation?” That’s a way to be free.

Ok – let’s keep going. Because this all had an impact on Joseph, and the great reveal:

1Now Joseph could not bear all those standing beside him, and he called out, “Take everyone away from me!” So no one stood with him when Joseph made himself known to his brothers.

2And he wept out loud, so the Egyptians heard, and the house of Pharaoh heard.

3And Joseph said to his brothers, “I am Joseph. Is my father still alive?” but his brothers could not answer him because they were startled by his presence.

4Then Joseph said to his brothers, “Please come closer to me,” and they drew closer. And he said, “I am your brother Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt.

5But now do not be sad, and let it not trouble you that you sold me here, for it was to preserve life that God sent me before you.

6For already two years of famine [have passed] in the midst of the land, and [for] another five years, there will be neither plowing nor harvest.

7And God sent me before you to make for you a remnant in the land, and to preserve [it] for you for a great deliverance.

The Torah here is incredible. Judah has been speaking in his valor. And it is enough to break Joseph’s heart. He tells everyone to leave. And Joseph reveals himself while his brothers just stay silent. “They were startled by his presence.” They were in shock.

The brothers faced a setback, not knowing what was to come. The good was now being revealed to them – and they likely could not believe how Hashem worked this out.  It was like out of an M. Night Shyamalan movie, right?

And we leave today’s portion stunned. Everyone’s fortunes had just changed. And they went from the depths of poverty and famine – to a life of abundance.

All because of valor.  “And he approached.”  We cannot approach a battle, a conflict, a trauma; without valor.

And – the shadow side of valor?  Control.  Instead of facing the battle – we try to control it. And we can’t.  Judah could not control what was going to happen. He had to just stand up and be. Be courageous.

And here is one more lesson for us to add:

A setback is an opportunity to make a choice between courage and control.

React and try to control – have courage and wait to respond. That is the moment.

And also? Likely because of grief. Grief seems to come before valor – but I am still chewing on that.  Experiencing our grief provides more space to make the choice between courage and control.

And that is one more lesson.

Experiencing our grief provides more space to make the choice between courage and control.

What are your thoughts?

Here are my thoughts from the past two years:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 2 Tevet, 5783

One of the things that has struck me from my Torah thoughts a year ago was this:

“Sometimes, a temporary setback is just what you need in order to advance with greater vigor. When an athlete has to negotiate a hurdle. His stepping back is the means to a higher leap.”

How often do we struggle and resist setbacks because we didn’t get what we wanted? What if the setback is a springing point for us to get MORE than what we wanted?

Did you get what you wanted for Hanukkah? Christmas? As we come away from the light we celebrate- did we experience any setbacks?

If so, how might those setbacks recenter us to spring forward into the new year? Are we like a slingshot being pulled back away from our desires and goals? The stretching may just be preparing us to be launched into the new year to greater heights and achievements. Getting us closer to our goals.

Like Joseph’s brothers; our shame and guilt may hold us back from seeing the blessings in front of us. That Hashem as taken care of us without us even being aware of it.

The brothers could stay in their shame and guilt – or they can release it and embrace their brother – and the reality that even their shameful act had a higher purpose.

Consider that.

Just stop and reflect on it.

Our shameful act may have a higher purpose.

This is not to excuse our current behavior. We shouldn’t be TRYING to engage in acts that are shameful. But. As we synthesize our past; those things we are most ashamed of? May be something that is for the purpose of saving our lives.

Wow.

That’s big.

What are your thoughts?

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for Tevet 2, 5782

Yesterday we ended in the middle of a sentence; Judah was confronting Joseph, telling him that if he goes back to his father, and Benjamin isn’t with them….

Todays portion starts with “he’ll simply die from grief when he’ll see that the boy is gone.” Judah basically tells Joseph, they will be as murderers because they have brought this on their father.

Judah then offers to stay as a slave if Joseph will let Benjamin go home.

That was enough for Joseph; he told everyone else to get out. He wept loudly, so that those who left could still hear him.

Joseph then tells his brothers – “I am Joseph! Is my father still alive?”

This is an interesting response as Joseph knew his father was alive based on what Judah has said. Why did he say this? There are many different thoughts;

1. Rabbi Isaac Abravanel writes that Joseph did this because he knew his brothers would be shocked when he revealed himself and wanted to enter into a conversation about their father and the brothers families.
2. Rabbi Jonathan Eybeeschuetz writes “Joseph was saying, ‘If you are scared I will kill you, you have nothing to be scared of because my father is still alive. Do you think I would be worse than Esau, who refrained from killing his brother so long as his father was alive?”
3. Rabbi Joseph b. Solomon Colon writes “He was talking about Jacob’s spiritual welfare. Joseph was saying ‘is my father’s prophetic spirit still alive?”

Those are some interesting thoughts to explain what was going on here.

We find out though that his brothers were unable to answer him because they were ashamed.

Then. In (kind of) a weird thing, Joseph tells his brothers to come closer. The Talmud writes this was because he wanted to show them he was circumcised and they would accept him as their brother. I mean in those days, showing your circumcised penis was probably enough since not as many people were circumcised; however, all the Egyptians had been circumcised by that point.

It’s definitely odd.

But Joseph goes further and explained that everything that happened was so that God would save Jacob’s family.

He was trying to reassure the brothers that even their negative act was used for the good of the family.

I like the “spiritual vitamin” in the book I’m reading; “Sometimes, a temporary setback is just what you need in order to advance with greater vigor. When an athlete has to negotiate a hurdle. His stepping back is the means to a higher leap.”

Joseph faced many temporary set backs. I’m each of those moments they may have felt burdensome. Being sold into slavery. Potiphar’s wife falsely accusing him. Being imprisoned for a while. All of it was temporary – to put Joseph in a position to save his family in a famine.

What are our current “temporary setbacks?” How may they be used for our eventual blessing?

What are your thoughts?