Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 12 Kislev, 5784
Parsha Vayeitzei (Genesis 28:10 – 32:3)
Seventh Portion: Genesis 31:44-32:3

Shabbat Shalom!  As we close out this weeks’ Parsha; Va-Yeitzei (and he departed) we are leaving the land we’ve been spending time with and moving into the next chapter – and this is coinciding with the full moon of Kislev.

Today’s portion is short.  We have just come out of Jacob and Laban arguing over what took place with Jacob leaving Laban’s land.  Two years ago, I wrote this, and I felt it was a critical message for today:

It’s really interesting in this passage, Jacob says very little even though he could have really pushed back on what Laban was saying. How often do I struggle to stay quiet and calm when false accusations and lies are being told?

So often, I have been learning, I have felt the need to defend myself and prove false accusations wrong. I know who I am. Why do I feel the need to convince someone who sees me in a “false light.”

This morning? I am realizing. It is to avoid sadness. As we grieve loss – whether it is a loved one, a friendship, a career, a job, etc.  We (at least I) want to avoid feeling sad at all costs. Jacob must have been sad realizing how his actions – which were solely focused on his love for Rachel (all criticism of his choice aside) and to have his motives questions by Laban.  And he didn’t deny what was happening. He gathered stones to COMMEMORATE IT.  He had dealt with his anger. He had tried to bargain with Laban. But he didn’t react.  He just let things unfold.

So instead? We see Jacob just letting this all play out:

44So now, come, let us form a covenant, you and I, and may He be a witness between me and you.”

45So Jacob took a stone and set it up [as] a monument.

46And Jacob said to his kinsmen, “Gather stones,” and they took stones and made a pile, and they ate there by the pile.

47And Laban called it Yegar Sahadutha, but Jacob called it Gal ed.

Jacob allowed Laban to lead. Jacob followed. Despite how Laban treated him. Jacob knew he was protected by Hashem. And knew the “Gal Ed” of the covenant was just a “pile of rocks.”

What is interesting here is that Laban either doesn’t recognize the meaning of “Gal ed” or accepts the meaning.  He continues:

48And Laban said, “This pile is a witness between me and you today.” Therefore, he called it Gal ed.

49And Mizpah, because he said, “May the Lord look between me and you when we are hidden from each other.

50If you afflict my daughters, or if you take wives in addition to my daughters when no one is with us, behold! God is a witness between me and you.”

51And Laban said to Jacob, “Behold this pile and behold this monument, which I have cast between me and you.

52This pile is a witness, and this monument is a witness, that I will not pass this pile [to go] to you and that you shall not pass this pile and this monument to [come to] me to [do] harm.

Laban is communicating a fear. Laban didn’t want Jacob marrying any other women. Which is interesting given Laban’s own daughters gave Jacob women to marry.

Let’s finish out with this:

53May the God of Abraham and the god of Nahor judge between us, the god of their father.” And Jacob swore by the Fear of his father Isaac.

54And Jacob slaughtered a slaughtering on the mountain, and he invited his friends to eat a meal, and they ate bread and lodged on the mountain.

(32:1)And Laban arose early in the morning and kissed his sons and daughters and blessed them, and Laban went and returned to his place.

2And Jacob went on his way, and angels of God met him.

3And Jacob said when he saw them, “This is the camp of God,” and he named the place Mahanaim.

Jacob was rewarded for letting this all play out and letting Laban lead even though Jacob knew he was being falsely accused.  And – as Jacob turned and went on his way? Angels of God met him.  He continued to trust and be protected. He turned his attention to Hashem.

As we reflect on this weeks Parsha – “and he departed” I would imagine there was a lot of grief.  When our family left California five years ago (December 2018) we departed (on 2 Tevet) and there was a lot of grief.  And reflecting on that grief? I can see how I struggled to navigate departing.  I was in denial of that grief for a long time.  I even told my 8 year old at the time “this will build resilience.”  Which was me ignoring the sadness of departing. I was (and have been) repressing a lot of sadness when it comes to my grief.

What are we avoiding in our grief right now? Are we in denial of the grief? Are we avoiding anger as much as we can? Avoiding getting into bargaining? Avoiding sadness? These are great questions to reflect on as the light of Kislev comes to full hilt.

And. Today’s Haftorah offers some other deep insights.  I wrote this two years ago, and it seems super salient:

The entire Haftorah is Hashem pleading with the Jewish people (and specifically Ephraim) to return to Him.

He says “you do not need to take sacrifices. Just take words of confession with you and return to God.” That’s what Hashem wants. He wants confession, more than sacrifice.

He even gives us the language to use. He tells us to say; “Lift away all sin and accept our promises for good behavior in the future. Let the confession of our lips be in place of the sacrificing of bullocks. We will no longer ask to be saved by Assyria, and we will not put our trust in riding powerful horses into battle. We will never again call the idol made by our hands, ‘our god’ because we know that the orphan finds compassion through You alone.”

This past month – I have been put in touch with my identity as an orphan.  This is not an identity for me to hide behind.  It’s an identity for which I have been avoiding for the past 16 years since I was orphaned when my mom passed away in 2008.

I am called – when false accusations occur – to find compassion through Hashem alone. This is the path to spiritual freedom and liberation.  Trying to find compassion through Laban – or even my family?  That’s empty.

Recognizing Hashem has PROVIDED me a family despite being orphaned? That is critical.

Compassion is found in connecting with the one soul of the universe. Blessed is Hashem, King of the Universe, who is the source of compassion for us all. And. Blessed is our Neshama, that is a part of Hashem and is within each and every one of us. We have the source of compassion within.

Shabbat shalom. May we all experience the simplicity of peace, the patience of peace, and the compassion of peace within us.

These are my thoughts – what are yours?

Here are my commentaries from the past two years:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 9 Kislev, 5783

Shabbat Shalom! I hope you are finding rest today, friends!

As I reread the passage and thoughts today, I am struck by the idea of being focused on evidence of Hashem’s provision, vs maturing to the point where we don’t need those incidents and miracles to remind us all the time the Universe is working things out in our favor.

There is a boundary – permeable – between the physical world around us and the spiritual realms. But we can’t always ask for the spiritual to manifest itself in the physical. When we need it; it will happen.

Until then, we can rest in the boundaries set up for us. Jacob had to find his freedom while respecting the boundary placed between him and Laban.

Which is an interesting juxtaposition, right? Jacob felt trapped with Laban and needed to escape. Again, we see the theme of leaving slavery. As Jacob was freed from Laban, a boundary was set up. But the boundary didn’t feel isolating or imprisoning. It was a boundary of protection.

I’m reflecting on the difference between a boundary of protection and a boundary of imprisonment. How can we know the difference? That seems to be the internal struggle.

What are your thoughts?

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for Kislev 9, 5782

We left off in the middle of the conflict between Laban and Jacob after Jacob left. Laban gaslit Jacob and basically tried to convince Jacob he was judging Laban poorly when he left. Jacob responded with his own criticisms of Laban. Let’s see how Laban responds….

He claims possession – “The Daughters are my daughters! The sons are my sons! The flocks are my flocks! All that you see is mine!”

So. Laban, more gaslighting, eh? You gave those all to Jacob; in marriage, in wages, etc. before you go any further, let’s stop you.

Then he doubles down. “What harm would I dream of doing to them? Or the children they have born?” He concludes; ”Now come! Let us make a pact – you and I. And may God be a witness between me and you!”

So, Laban; here’s a question- if you wouldn’t harm your “stuff”, why would Jacob need to make a pact with you? What is the purpose of this pact?

Jacob indulges him, it seems. Jacob took a stone to set up as a monument. He told his sons to gather stones. They (Jacob’s family) took stones and made a pile. I notice the Torah does not mention Laban gathering stones, which I find fascinating. But Jacob seems to trust that this will all work. They eat by the monument.

Laban calls the pile the Aramaic equivalent of “the pile is a witness.” Jacob, on the other hand called it Gal-ed, which is Hebrew for “a heap of stones.”

Laban says “this pile is a witness between me and you today.” Laban goes on to say “May God watch me and you when we are hidden from each other. If you neglect my daughters, or if you take wives in addition to my daughters when no one is with us – look! God is a witness between me and you!”

So Laban’s main concern is the neglect of his daughters. And, not wanting Jacob to marry more women. Ok. I’m curious to know Laban’s motives here; because they don’t seem to be genuine.

He (Laban) goes on to say “Here is the pile and here is the monument which I have set up between me and you.” Full stop.

I guess it’s possible, Laban set up a different monument not discussed previously. Or that he actually did help place stones on the monument.

Laban then sets the terms of the agreement; it’s basically a dividing line. Jacob won’t cross it to harm Laban, and Laban won’t cross it.

It is interesting that Laban never commits to not harming Jacob. This really has me perplexed. But Rabbi Schneerson has something to say about it that I found helpful.

Rabbi Schneerson writes about this boundary as being indicative of the boundary between the Jew and their non-Jewish surroundings. “This boundary is not supposed to be a total barrier, there the Jew totally isolated himself from the world and wants nothing to do with his non-Jewish neighbors – or for that matter, anything secular.”

He goes on to say it is a “semi-permeable” interface as Rashi indicated in his writings. Rabbi Schneerson writes “You must interact with your surroundings, but not in a way that causes you spiritual ‘harm.’ You need to ‘profit’ spiritually from each interaction with the world, by training your eye to perceive how it’s physical existence is being constantly renewed at every moment by God.”

I thought this was helpful.

After this, Jacob swore the oath.

It’s really interesting in this passage, Jacob says very little even though he could have really pushed back on what Laban was saying. How often do I struggle to stay quiet and calm when false accusations and lies are being told?

Jacob instead makes a feast and invites everyone to eat. In the morning Laban kisses his family goodbye and heads home.

Jacob leaves and goes on his way; and he meets Angels of the Lord who escort him to the land of Israel.

This Torah portion is really fascinating. This is something the book I am reading writes;

“You should always try to bring out your best and innermost self, and also influence your environment, at all times, whether or not there are any external sources of inspiration. If you take the trouble you CAN see God’s miracles at every step; but even if not, this should only indicate that God regards you as sufficiently grown up and mature not to require constant ‘interjections’ and stimulants from outside.”

I think that’s a beautiful summary of the passage.

What are your thoughts? I’m curious! I’ll include some Haftorah thoughts in the comments below. Shabbat shalom!

Haftorah thoughts (Hosea 11:7-14:10)

The Haftorah portion juxtaposes the sins of “Ephraim” to events in Jacob’s life. The most notable comparison is the journey Jacob has taken in this Torah portion.

The passage starts out with Hashem challenging the Jewish people because they refuse to turn to Hashem. They are doing the wrong thing and are unwilling to return. Hashem tells them he will still have mercy on them, despite this.

This brings great comfort – Hashem in the Old Testament is a God of mercy, love and compassion.

They even “pretend” to return to Hashem (verse 12:1) and yet he continues to provide love and compassion. Judah remains strong, but Hashem says even Judah with battle with Hashem.

We then get into Jacob’s life; Jacob wrestling with the Angel. And Hashem says this; “God is the omnipotent God of all the hosts! Almighty God is his name! Turn to your God in peace. Only be careful to be kind and just, then you can constantly trust in your God that He will grant your wishes.”

Ephraim’s mistake was believing that he became wealthy because he found strength for himself and not from God. Big. Mistake.

The entire Haftorah is Hashem pleading with the Jewish people (and specifically Ephraim) to return to Him.

He says “you do not need to take sacrifices. Just take words of confession with you and return to God.” That’s what Hashem wants. He wants confession, more than sacrifice.

He even gives us the language to use. He tells us to say; “Lift away all sin and accept our promises for good behavior in the future. Let the confession of our lips be in place of the sacrificing of bullocks. We will no longer ask to be saved by Assyria, and we will not put our trust in riding powerful horses into battle. We will never again call the idol made by our hands, ‘our god’ because we know that the orphan finds compassion through You alone.”

That’s it. That’s what Hashem wants from us. He reassures us;

“Then after they confess I will forgive them for their rebelliousness. I will love them deeply, because My anger will have turned away from them. My love for Israel will be perpetual like dew. He will blossom like a rose, and his roots will spread like the roots of a cedar of Lebanon.”

Wow.

I’m sitting with that. We don’t need a sacrifice for forgiveness. We need confession.

The Haftorah closes with this;

“Whoever is wise will understand these words. The discerning will recognize them. For the ways of God are straight and the righteous will walk in them, but the wicked will stumble in them.”

I’m sitting with this. It’s powerful. I’d love your thoughts