Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 13 Kislev, 5784
Parsha Va-Yishlah (Genesis 32:4 – 36:43)
First Portion: 32:4 – 32:13

It’s a new week! And we are reaching the light of the full moon of Kislev where we will see the beauty in things we may not have seen in the past, as diversity comes together in harmony!

This week’s portion, Ya-Yishlah means “and he sent.”  It is interesting, isn’t it that last week’s portion, Va-Yetze means “and he departed” – coming out of Toledot – which means “Descendants.”

It would appear – we are making our journey descending into Egypt. Jacob departed. And this week we are going to discover after he left Laban, how he was going to approach Esau.  Remembering – all of this stemmed from the conflict between Esau and Jacob.

Resetting the conflict; Esau sold his birthright to Jacob. Esau was jealous and angry over the blessing Isaac gave to Jacob. And remembering, Isaac gave Esau a blessing too –  here is the blessing Isaac gave Esau:

(Genesis 27:39)And his father Isaac answered and said to him, “Behold, your dwelling place shall be the fat places of the earth and of the dew of the heaven from above.

40And you shall live by your sword, and you shall serve your brother, and it will be, when you grieve, that you will break his yoke off your neck.”

Isaac prescribed a blessing for Esau. If Esau grieved, Jacob’s yoke would be off his back. I feel this is important context to today’s portion, especially given the commentary from the past two years – which involves conflict, and how we navigate conflict. Let’s dig in (Genesis 32:4-7):

4Jacob sent angels ahead of him to his brother Esau, to the land of Seir, the field of Edom.

5And he commanded them, saying, “So shall you say to my master to Esau, ‘Thus said your servant Jacob, “I have sojourned with Laban, and I have tarried until now.

6And I have acquired oxen and donkeys, flocks, manservants, and maidservants, and I have sent to tell [this] to my master, to find favor in your eyes.’ “

7The angels returned to Jacob, saying, “We came to your brother, to Esau, and he is also coming toward you, and four hundred men are with him.”

Now let’s stop here.  Jacob’s strategy to handle the conflict between Esau and him? Was to sent messengers to tell him “I have presents for you that I want to give you.”

This seems like a wise strategy in dealing with conflict – extend an olive branch.

Let’s look at verse 7:

7The angels returned to Jacob, saying, “We came to your brother, to Esau, and he is also coming toward you, and four hundred men are with him.”

How do we read this verse? What tone do we read? It’s unclear as to Esau’s motives. Has Esau received the gift and is coming in joy to reconcile? Or is Esau ANGRY still at Jacob, because Jacob is throwing his blessing (from Isaac) in Esau’s face? I mean, from Esau’s perspective – if you were angry and jealous over the blessing your dad gave your younger brother, and he sent you the RESULTS of that blessing? That might feel like Jacob threw it in his face.

But let’s really sit with verse 7. There is nothing in that line that indicates WHY the men were coming. Our heart is what drives how we read those words. That is something to really reflect on.

How did Jacob receive it?

8Jacob became very frightened and was distressed; so he divided the people who were with him and the flocks and the cattle and the camels into two camps.

9And he said, “If Esau comes to one camp and strikes it down, the remaining camp will escape.”

He saw Esau being angry.  Now – he may have had more context than us. However, the Torah could have ALSO said in verse 7 – “Esau was still angry.” And the Torah does not. That is important to consider here.

Jacob was scared. And to close out our portion; in his fear, Jacob turned to Hashem:

10And Jacob said, “O God of my father Abraham and God of my father Isaac, the Lord, Who said to me, ‘Return to your land and to your birthplace, and I will do good to you.’

11I have become small from all the kindnesses and from all the truth that You have rendered Your servant, for with my staff I crossed this Jordan, and now I have become two camps.

12Now deliver me from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau, for I am afraid of him, lest he come and strike me, [and strike] a mother with children.

13And You said, ‘I will surely do good with you, and I will make your seed [as numerous] as the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted because of multitude.'”

This is an interesting response. And two years ago I wrote this and it seems apropos:

When we are navigating conflict, how much time do we spend in our own anxieties and fears? How much time do we spend strategizing? How much time do we spend in prayer?

This year, when approaching this portion, I am focused on Esau. His blessing. To receive his blessing, Esau needed to grieve. In today’s portion, we do not get an answer to this question it would seem.  Had Esau grieved while Jacob was gone?

One of the things I have been reflecting on in my own journey is grief. Loss. And this morning I had some epiphanies around sadness.

I wrote this today and shared it with a few people I know:

TIL (Today I Learned): I’ve tried to avoid sadness.

I’m allowing myself to feel sadness this morning. I realize I’ve repressed it. From eight years old (when I remember this feeling last) until recently; I’ve avoided the feeling of sadness.

When meditating upon sadness, it feels like gravity has doubled on my body. It’s weighty. Like pressure on my shoulders. It can come on suddenly like a hammer on my chest on my bed. Or it can come on slowly building without me even realizing it.

In the past – analyzing the cause of sadness has been my strategy. If I can figure out what is causing my sadness, I can survive it – push it away. Another strategy was avoiding other people’s sadness; or trying to fix their sadness as if it is something to be fixed.

For the first time in my life; I’m grateful for the feeling of sadness this morning. Why I’m sad isn’t important. Just allowing myself to experience the sadness is something new for me.

And don’t worry; I’m still in weekly therapy and will discuss this with my therapist.

And. I feel the need to write that because I’m realizing how much as a society we react to sadness as something that needs to be fixed.

I am starting to wonder if depression is the feeling of trying to avoid sadness and not being able to.

Being grateful for appropriate sadness? That actually feels kind of good. My body is saying thank you to me (in meditation) for finally recognizing the experience we are having.

I think I have rejected my sadness – and when the feeling of sadness comes on? I get angry at it.  At the source of the sadness.

How does this relate to the Torah portion?

Esau may have felt sad over selling his birthright. Instead of grieving that decision and feeling his sadness, he got angry. Angry at Jacob for “stealing” his birthright.  The story Esau told himself to avoid his sadness? “Jacob is a conniver and is out to hurt me!” Instead of “I am feeling sad and regret the decision I made to sell Jacob my birthright.  I need to embrace this sadness and accept the reality I now find myself in – and trust things will work out for me.”

In the moment when this all went down? Isaac was incredibly wise to connect Esau’s blessing and Jacob’s power to grief. Isaac must have realized –

40And you shall live by your sword, and you shall serve your brother, and it will be, when you grieve, that you will break his yoke off your neck.”

The way Esau framed what happened would control his life. Isaac saw Esau choosing anger – conflict – battle. And in doing so – he was serving his brother Jacob. Jacob would have power over Esau as long as Esau painted a picture that the loss of blessing was on Jacob – and Esau refuses to be sad.

But. If Esau grieved? Jacob’s yoke would be off his neck.

How do we grieve? Do we avoid and fight the sadness? Do we wage conflicts because of this? Do we fight others instead of allowing ourselves to feel the sadness of the moment? This is the lesson (in my opinion) from today’s portion.  So let’s add to our learning:

• The Path of Ascension begins with curiosity and not judgement
• If someone’s curiosity causes doubt and defensiveness, be curious about our own doubt and defensiveness and NOT their motives for curiosity.
• The tree of life is within us. Choose life within with curiosity and not judgment
• Learn to balance the comfort of stumbling, with the challenge of pushing ourselves towards spiritual growth.
• Let go of a stable life. Freedom is accepting “what is” as a blessing. We can’t control what happens. We can only navigate it with bitterness or flow.
• Freedom requires balance – emotions vs intellect, humility vs confidence, thinking as an individual while staying meaningfully connected to others.
• Freedom comes from expansion and not contraction – but contraction is important to the process of expansion
• To live free, we must circumcise the foreskin of past trauma and feel the pain of healing so that our higher selves can appear to us, and we can co-create miraculous NEW life for us and others.
• To be free, we must understand what love requires vs the world around us. 10%.  Just start there. Freedom is seeing the 10% and moving to 11%. Not being trapped by the daunting 90% we feel guilt and shame about.  The 90% is slavery. The 10% is freedom.
• Receive the Universe. Don’t Resist it. This is the path to freedom and liberation.
• We must be vulnerable and ask for the Universe to provide. And. We don’t need to ask because the Universe knows. This is freedom.
• We must accept and receive our role in co-creating moments with Hashem.
• As we experience wells of living water in our life – the path to slavery is arguing and harassment. Make space. For ourselves and others. This is spiritual liberation and freedom.  Allowing and making space.  Spreading out.   Not contraction.
• When we take in stories and data – we need to be careful not to bring our own bias and trauma into how the data gets stored into our hearts and minds. Those who are “not us” are part of the human experience and have their own experiences. Be curious about what we are INFERRING versus what we believe the other person is INSINUATING. This is the path to freedom – especially in communication!
• The path to freedom involves free choice as to what we desire and will focus on. What are we working towards? Be mindful of our wages. This is the path to freedom and will impact how we communicate – both as a sender of communication and receiver of communication. We will infer and insinuate based on our wages.

Today we learn:

The path to freedom involves grief. Allowing ourselves to feel sadness – maybe other feelings we’ve judged as negative? Avoiding and repressing our feelings leads to war and conflict. Being aware of our feelings leads to freedom and joy. This is the path to spiritual liberation.  We can receive Isaac’s blessing and grieve to take the yoke off our back.

 Those are my thoughts. What are yours?

Here are my thoughts from the past two years:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for Kislev 10, 5783

Where is Hashem sending us this week? As I think about this a year ago, I’m far ahead on my journey. Where will things take us all?

Short thoughts today as a big agenda with the kids! Blessings to you on the new week!

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for Kislev 10, 5782

This weeks portion is Va-Yishlah (meaning “and he sent”). From the book I’m reading that contains the Torah;

“The portion of Va-Yetze (last weeks Parsha) represented the emergence (“going out”) of the process of Tikkun Olam, healing our fractured world. Va-Yishlah is a more advanced stage where: a) you inspire others to this sacred cause – like Jacob, who sent angels on his behalf; and b) even the world’s most dysfunctional elements (Esau) are healed.”

That’s a great thought heading into the week of study!

As we begin, Jacob is preparing to return home. When he left, Esau was super angry and had threatened to kill him. Jacob begins the portion today sending angels ahead of him to his brother Esau.

Rashi writes that Jacob sent actual angels- and Rabbi Mordecai b. Abraham Jaffe in the sixteenth century writes “Jacob sent actual angels to intimidate him. Esau would wonder, ’is my brother so powerful that he has a host of angels under his control? Surely, I will not be able to overcome him.”

The message Jacob gave the angels is really interesting; “I have been living with Laban, and I have been delayed until now. I possess oxen, donkeys, flocks, servants and maids. I have sent this message to tell this to my master (Esau), to find favor in your eyes.”

The angels went out and came back with a troubling report. They shared Esau was still wicked and was not appeased. And, they told Jacob Esau was heading towards him; with 400 men.

Rabbi Baruch of Medzibezh writes that we can learn from this passage that “all attempts to reconcile a dispute need to be made in person, not through messengers or representatives. Even real angels cannot carry out this task for you!”

How often do we (I) struggle with resolving conflict going face to face? How often do I avoid it? I’m reflecting on how the goal should be a face to face conversation to resolve conflict.

Jacob was now obviously worried. He makes a strategic move and splits the camp in two so that if Esau comes to one camp and destroys it, the other will survive.

This passage is debated in ancient writings as to whether Jacob really believed or knew one camp would survive. But one thing we knew for sure; Jacob here was preparing for war. He knew there was a conflict and prepared to protect his family in the best way he knew how.

He ALSO prepared by praying to God, as we next see Jacob plead with God to honor His promises to Jacob. He acknowledges the blessings God provided (I left here with just a stick, and now I have two camps), he reminds God of the directives given to Jacob (return to your home), and he is honest with God about his heart (I am afraid of Esau).

Jacob has prepared for war, but also prepared with prayer to avoid a war. I think there is a good lesson here as we finish the chapter.

When we are navigating conflict, how much time do we spend in our own anxieties and fears? How much time do we spend strategizing? How much time do we spend in prayer?

In addition, we can take comfort in our struggle as Jacob was navigating his own faith issues; as he knew what God had promised, and yet he still feared Esau. We are not alone in our faith struggles (at least in my opinion).

What are your thoughts? What do you takeaway?