Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 6 Iyar, 5783. 21st Day of the Omer.

Greetings! Let’s jump into the Omer theme.  Today is the final day of Tiferet. We focus on Malchut of Tiferet – the Dignity of Compassion.  From Chabad:

Examine the dignity of your compassion. For compassion to be complete (and enhance the other six aspects of compassion) it must recognize and appreciate individual sovereignty. It should boost self-esteem and cultivate human dignity. Both your own dignity and the dignity of the one benefiting from your compassion.

• Is my compassion expressed in a dignified manner?
• Do I manifest and emphasize majesty in my compassion?
• Does it elicit dignity in others?
• Do I recognize the fact that when I experience compassion as dignified it will reflect reciprocally in the one who receives compassion?

Exercise for the day: Rather than just giving them charity help them help themselves in a fashion that strengthens their dignity.

One of the themes of my life the past 18 months has been around this idea of sovereignty.  I recognize, the word itself is loaded. We bring a lot of our experiences to that word sovereignty and what it means.  A lot of control and oppression have been enacted in the name of that word. Because we associate it with royalty.

But let’s break this word down for a minute.  Beyond the definition “supreme power and control” – there is another definition.  And I think it is more in line with Torah concepts.  Because although Hashem is supposed to be sovereign (that is an entirely different topic) when we are talking about the “dignity of compassion” I believe the idea of sovereignty is connected to this definition: “The right to self-govern.”

All of us. ALL. OF. US. Have the right to self govern.  So. When our compassion removes someone else’s right to self govern? When it takes away their sovereignty? That’s not compassion.  What might this look like?

For me, I think about someone who is sad.  And, in my compassion, I want to “fix” their sadness.  I don’t ask them whether they want me to fix their sadness. I just assume they want it fixed.  I treat them like a child instead of an adult.

People who know me hear me often talk about letting people be “grown ass adults” responsible for their own feelings and emotions.  I am not responsible for how someone feels.  I am responsible for the impact of my behavior.  If someone is feeling hurt because of my actions, I am responsible for restoring the relationship. NOT making those feelings go away.  Not FIXING those feelings.  Even if those feelings make me uncomfortable – those feelings are valid for the person I hurt.  I am sovereign for my emotions and behavior.

So what does the dignity of compassion look like?  Making sure when we express compassion – we prioritize doing it for the benefit of the person we are showing compassion to, and not alleviating our own feelings of guilt.

I am not always great at this.  I am working on being better at regulating my own emotions, and claiming sovereignty over them.  Not pushing my emotions onto others. Not asking them to hold my emotions for me. And not absorbing others’ emotions.

My spiritual coach challenged me in my empathy. Instead of “absorbing” other’s energy and emotions, we can observe them.  Don’t claim ownership of them as our own -because no one asked us to do that.  That is taking the sovereignty of others’ away from them.

Do we absorb the emotions of others? Or do we observe them?  Does compassion mean we have to take on those emotions?

Can we feel someone’s pain without absorbing that pain as our own?

These are all questions I don’t have great answers to. I am curious what you think.

In closing. I connect this idea to today’s portion.  One of the ideas is not to think we can somehow “improve” on Hashem’s creation.  If Hashem has allowed a moment to occur – where we are engaged with someone who is navigating a difficult and challenging emotion? We are called to not “improve” on this situation.  That is not our purpose.  Our purpose is to be a support.  To demonstrate compassion. And not “fix” the situation.

How often do we believe a situation is “broken?” For me? I know this is a daily struggle.  Hashem’s creation is not broken. It is operating the way it was designed. People have freedom and sovereignty.  We are not robots.  Some people use that freedom and sovereignty to try and take that away from others.  We don’t allow others to have free will.  To freely feel difficult emotions – like anger. sadness. Helplessness.

Nor should we abandon others in those feelings and wipe our conscious clean.  We should seek out ways to demonstrate compassion – while maintaining the sovereignty of others.

And. As is an important Jewish principle? When someone ASKS for help? We recognize the importance of that.  And we help. Because asking for help is really a challenge for us.  It requires letting go of our sovereignty to a degree.  So we help.

Those are my thoughts.  What are yours?

These are my thoughts from a year ago:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 1 Iyar, 5782

Happy Rosh Chodesh! Today is the first day of the new Jewish month of Iyar. Iyar’s theme (from Kabbalah) is healing; that this month would be a time for healing from wounds, from poor health, etc. Iyar is a month in which we count the Omer every day, we celebrate the 2nd Passover on the 14th day of the month (for those unable to celebrate the Passover last month) and Lag B’Omer which is a holiday on the 33rd day of the Omer (more on that when we get there!).

Let’s dig in to todays Torah portion:

We’ve been walking through clarifications of the laws of the Torah. We discussed the difference between theft and robbery yesterday.

Todays portion starts with judges – they should not favor a poor person or respect a wealthy man in judgment. The goal is to judge correctly.

Next, the Torah tells us to not go around as a gossiper among your people.

Let’s stop here for a minute. Last week’s portion (that we actually did before Passover) lists all the forbidden relations and ways we disconnect from Hashem.

Today we learn about gossip. Why do we not treat gossip the way we treat forbidden relations? Just a question.

If you hear a story about someone, and you share that story with someone else; that’s a problem. It’s an issue in connecting with Hashem; remember that’s what we are talking about.

The next passage is a little more challenging – “you should not stand by your fellow’s blood.” Basically this means if you see someone’s life is in danger, you need to act to save them.

This is tough; but the idea is sound. Here is Rabbi Schneerson’s take:

“Do not stand by,” watching his death, if you are able to save him. For example, if he is drowning in the river and a wild animal or robbers come upon him (Rashi, 1 1th century).

The fact that you saw someone whose life is in danger proves that “you are able to save him.”

For the fact that God allowed you to witness this event must surely be for a practical reason: namely that you, of all people, have the ability to save this person.

Likewise, if you see a person “drowning” spiritually, it is a sign from above that you have the ability to draw that person back to the fountains of living Judaism.”

The idea of our experiences coming directly from God for a purpose is weighty and we need to own this.

Next:

1. Don’t hate your brother in your heart
2. Continually rebuke your fellow but don’t embarrass them in public
3. Don’t take revenge for bear a grudge against the members of your people
4. Love your fellow as you love yourself.

A lot has been writtten about #4:

In the Talmud, Rabbi Hillel said: “What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow. This is the entire Torah- the rest is commentary.”

Rashi writes that Rabbi Akiva says: “This is a major principle of the Torah”

The Ba’al Shem Tov writes:

“Love your fellow as (you love) yourself” is an interpretation and explanation of the verse, “Love God, your God” (Deuteronomy 6:5). If you love your fellow then you love God, because that person’s soul is a “part of God above”

Finally Rabbi Schneur Zalman writes:

“All of us are brothers, literally, due to the source of our souls in the One God, and it is only our bodies that divide us. Those who care for their bodies first and their souls second cannot share true brotherly love, for their love will have an ulterior motive. This is what Hillel the Elder meant when he said about this commandment, “This is the entire Torah, the rest is commentary”-the basis and root of the entire Torah is to prioritize the soul over the body.

These are good words to chew on in our current landscape and environment. How are we loving others?

Next, we get into some suprarational commands (ones that may not have logic):

1. Don’t crossbreed your livestock with different species
2. Don’t sow your field with a mixture of seeds
3. A garment with a mixture of wool and linen should not come upon you.

The ideas here are “improving” on God’s creation puts us in a place of being above God (Nahmanides)

Finally, today’s portion is back to sex;

If a man lays with a woman and has a seminal emission – and she is a non-Jewish slave woman who is partially married to a Jewish slave man, and she has been allowed to partially marry this Jewish slave since she has been redeemed by one of her masters) and she has not been redeemed by the other; or she has not been given a document of release by just one of her masters, then….

Ok let’s stop. I’m confused – and feel like I need a diagram here.

Here is a different Jewish translation:

“If a man lies carnally with a woman, and she is a handmaid designated for a man, and she had not been [fully] redeemed nor had her document of emancipation been granted her.”

So it seems like we are talking about a man sleeping with a non-Jewish woman – who was promised to a Jewish man, and the process hadn’t been completed.

Here’s what is supposed to happen if this happens (to close out the portion today):

1. There should be an investigation to verify the details
2. They should NOT be put to death; she has not been freed.
3. He should bring his guilt offering to God.

That’s interesting. So again; “forbidden” sex and the consequences of that were not always death. I’m not saying this to alleviate any guilt – the Torah is pretty clear on the goal here; connection with Hashem. And if our goal is connecting with Hashem, doing these things takes us away from Him.

Interesting thoughts today! What are yours?

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 2 Iyar, 5782

Greetings! Today we continue our study in Parsha Kedoshim!

When we enter the promised land; once we’ve been taken from slavery, we get some new and interesting mitzvahs:

When we plant food trees in this new promised, liberated life:

1. The fruit of that tree is restricted from you. For 3 years you may not eat it
2. On the fourth year, all of its fruit should be holy; only eaten in Jerusalem; in praise of Hashem
3. In the fifth year you may eat if it’s fruit

Why should we do this? The Torah says;

“Observe this law in order to increase the trees produce for you. I am a trustworthy God”

So we are given the reason!

Next we get into personal sanctity mitzvahs:

1. Don’t eat scarificial meat when it’s blood hasn’t been sprinkled on the alter
2. Do not practice divination nor act on fortuitous times.
3. You should not remove the hair from around the circumference of your head
4. Do not destroy the extremities of your beard
5. Do not make scratches in your flesh to mourn a person who died
6. Do not put a tattoo on yourself; I am God.
7. Do not defile your daughter, allowing your unmarried daughter to have relations not for the sake of marriage. If you do, the land will become “unfaithful” another land will procure its fruits and the land will be filled with immorality

Ok let’s stop for a minute. This is another place we see patriarchal Judaism raise its head it seems. As a dad of six daughters; it seems difficult to understand in todays society that I’d have any sort of control to “allow” my daughter to have any ”relations.” This is an especially hard passage given the ideas of power and control and toxic masculinity.

However, I’m reflecting on how we can apply this passage in a way that helps. For me, I am wondering as a dad, if the goal here is to have a deep, connective relationship with my daughters so that they won’t go looking for love in other dudes; when they should have acceptance and connection with me as their dad? My job isn’t to control my kids – it’s to love them so they don’t have a hole in their heart that they seek to fill somewhere else.

What do you think? Especially women reading this; I’m curious to your take?

Ok- let’s keep going:

8. Revere Hashem’s sanctuary by entering the temple with your staff, shoes, money belt or dust on your feet. Observe the sabbaths rather than building the temple of the sabbath.
9. Do not turn to the sorcery of the ‘ov or yidde’oni. You should not seek these and thereby defile yourselves through them.

Ok. Let’s stop again. Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch wrote this:

Verse 30 (#8 above) offers the Torah’s positive solutions to the prohibited activities of verse 26. In contrast to acting “on the basis of fortuitous times” (v. 26), i.e., predicting which day is an

auspicious time” to start an activity (Babylonian

Talmud, Sanhedrin 65b). Scripture says, “observe My Sabbaths” (v. 30)-your activities should be based on the time cycle that God designated, namely the Sabbath.

In contrast to practicing “divination'” (v. 26), i.e., deciding a “lucky time” based on random, irrelevant events, Scripture says, “revere My Sanctuary” (v. 30), My Torah, and do not fear those predictions.

When you do this, “I am God”-you will receive many blessings and be successful.

In addition, Rabbi Simchah Bunem writes about #9 above;

The word ‘ov also can mean “desire” (from the

Hebrew word ‘avah), and the word yidde’oni can be translated as ‘knowledge” (deah), Do not turn to desire, nor should you sway to knowledge. As much as being knowledgeable is commendable it is not everything. The final destination, the actual good deed, is the most important thing.

These are interesting commentaries on the Torah above. What do you think?

The portion today closes with this:

10. You should rise in the presence of an old person and you should honor the presence of a sage.

In our society today; I’m reflecting on how we really just don’t do that in our culture. We look down upon the old. We think ourselves wiser than sages. That’s crucial for us to consider on our journey.

What are your thoughts on today’s portion?